Help! I'm Worried About Out-Doing the Wedding with the Rehearsal Dinner. What Should I Do?
By Meghan Ely, OFD Consulting
The rehearsal dinner is a fun way to kick off a festive wedding weekend, bringing together loved ones to celebrate with food, music, and warm conversation. For many couples, it’s an opportunity to enjoy a more intimate setting filled with personal touches that capture the essence of your love story.
But with the excitement of planning such a special event, you may feel conflicted between making the rehearsal dinner a memorable occasion and ensuring it’s not so grand it outshines the wedding itself. You want your guests to have fun at the rehearsal dinner, but your wedding day is the true highlight of the weekend!
Rest assured, your rehearsal dinner doesn’t need to be an over-the-top affair. Think of it as a warm-up: casual, fun, and a chance to enjoy a laidback celebration before the formalities begin. Here are a few ways to plan a simple yet thoughtful rehearsal dinner that complements your wedding instead of competing with it.
Photo credit: Carter Rose Photography from this rehearsal dinner in Aspen, CO.
Don't get stressed - get Let's Get Rehearsed’s FREE rehearsal dinner guide packed full of everything you need to plan a welcome party, from saving money to celebrating the night before the big day!
Keep the guest list short
A rehearsal dinner isn’t meant to be a full-blown production with hundreds of guests. Instead, it’s traditionally a smaller, more relaxed celebration with a couple’s inner circle. So, if you want to avoid upstaging your wedding day, stick to the essentials: immediate family, wedding party members, and perhaps a few close friends.
(Let’s Get Rehearsed editor’s note: For some more advice on guest lists, check out “Breaking Down the Wedding Rehearsal Guest List”)
“Rehearsal dinners are a great opportunity to bring your immediate family together for dinner to spend some quality time together before the big day,” confirms Loni Peterson of LP Creative Events. “Keeping the guest list under 20 will ensure this event will not overshadow your wedding day!”
Limiting your guest list keeps the focus on the people closest to you, allowing meaningful conversations and cozy vibes to define the event instead of extravagant design elements. Whether you’re hosting a backyard BBQ or a family-style dinner at your favorite spot, you can create space for connection without setting the bar too high for the wedding. Plus, you can spend more time celebrating without worrying about logistics!
Scale down the design
While it’s tempting to carry over elaborate decor or entertainment ideas from your wedding, aim for a simpler, more understated style for your rehearsal dinner. That way, you can focus on what matters most: spending quality time with your loved ones.
To start, “a completely separate venue will give a more intimate space and set a preface for the wedding activities to come,” wedding planner Penny Haas says. So, if you’re hosting your wedding at a historic estate or grand ballroom, consider a more low-key venue for your rehearsal dinner.
For decor, opt for a minimalist approach with a few personal touches rather than going all out with tons of details and lavish floral arrangements.
“The rehearsal dinner should be a time to bond, and the floral decor shouldn't overshadow the wedding décor,” asserts Joan Wyndrum of Blooms by the Box.
If you’re looking for ideas, Wyndrum suggests “scatter[ing] bud vases filled with colorful wildflowers in the middle of the table for a whimsical night filled with love and laughter with family and friends.” Simple, easy, and beautiful!
Similarly, entertainment shouldn’t compete with what’s planned for the wedding. “Consider a nice jazz ensemble or vocalist for the rehearsal dinner, and take it to the next level with a full party band for the wedding,” Haas offers.
By keeping the design and entertainment understated, your rehearsal dinner will serve as a warm and inviting prelude to your grand and impressive wedding.
Dress for the occasion
Your rehearsal dinner outfit sets the tone for the event, just as your wedding attire influences your big day. Plan to dress the part by selecting clothes that are stylish and elegant without feeling overly formal.
(Let’s Get Rehearsed editor’s note: For some more ideas for what to wear, check out “Stunning Dresses To Wear At Your Rehearsal Dinner When You’re The Bride” and our round-up of rehearsal dinner accessories!)
“The rehearsal dinner is a great opportunity to wear something chic but understated,” wedding photographer and videographer Craig Peterman suggests. “Save the dramatic flair for the wedding day. Shine on both occasions, but don’t steal the wedding's thunder.”
Think cocktail dresses and tailored suits, not ballgowns and tuxedos. Or, if you’re planning a more casual rehearsal dinner, wear whatever makes you comfortable. Let your wedding dress or suit remain the showstopper of the weekend!
As you plan your rehearsal dinner outfits, consider sharing a dress code with your loved ones so they can prepare accordingly. If you opt for a polished casual look, your guests will appreciate knowing they don’t need to show up wearing formal attire!
Photo credit: Carter Rose Photography from this rehearsal dinner in Aspen, CO.
Do a 180 from the wedding
If you want to ensure your rehearsal dinner doesn’t overshadow the wedding, take it in an entirely different direction! For example, suppose you’re hosting a formal garden party wedding with pastel colors and fluffy peonies. In that case, you may consider planning an intimate rehearsal dinner in a cozy whiskey bar with wood details and moody lighting.
“One thing I always try to do when planning rehearsal dinners/welcome parties is to go in the opposite direction of the wedding,” shares Emily Sullivan of Unique Weddings and Events. “When the events are in two different styles, it is much more difficult for guests to compare them because they are two totally different experiences.”
Wedding photographer Kevin Heslin agrees, noting that “the activities for the rehearsal dinner need to be very different to avoid competing with the actual wedding reception.” For example, “instead of a dance floor as you will have at the wedding reception, an alternative could be a spectacle like fire dancers or a bonfire.”
(Let’s Get Rehearsed editor’s note: For more on rehearsal dinner 180s, check out our article on how to make your rehearsal dinner different on your wedding.)
You'll create a clear distinction between the two events by doing a complete 180 from your wedding day vibe. Instead of competing with the grandeur of the wedding day, the rehearsal dinner becomes its own unique event — one that emphasizes connection, comfort, and fun in a more low-key setting.
Trust the professionals
Unless you’re taking a DIY approach to your rehearsal dinner, it’s wise to work with the same vendors for your rehearsal dinner and wedding since they’re familiar with the overall vision for your wedding experience.
“Your planner will know how to create a complementary evening that allows your wedding to shine as the main event,” Casey Cannon of EBJ & Company explains. “Likewise, working with the same florist will allow you to carry a cohesive design throughout the weekend without making one day outshine the other.”
Seasoned wedding professionals know how to find the balance between designing something unique and keeping it within the overall theme of the weekend. Whether adjusting the menu for a casual dining experience or scaling back on florals to create a more intimate setting, they can produce two cohesive events that don’t step on each other’s toes.
The secret to a memorable rehearsal dinner is to focus on setting the tone for the weekend rather than upstaging the main event. Whether you pursue a completely different style or trust your vendors to design complementary events, you can strike the perfect balance between the two celebrations, allowing the rehearsal dinner to shine without overshadowing the magic of your wedding day.
Don't get stressed - get Let's Get Rehearsed’s FREE rehearsal dinner guide packed full of everything you need to plan a welcome party, from saving money to celebrating the night before the big day!
If you’re planning a rehearsal dinner, don’t miss some of these must-read resources:
How To Make Your Wedding Rehearsal Dinner Different From Your Wedding
Wedding Rehearsal Dinner Outfit Accessories For The Bride-To-Be
Stunning Dresses To Wear At Your Rehearsal Dinner When You’re The Bride
About Let’s Get Rehearsed!
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Meghan Ely is the owner of wedding PR and wedding marketing firm OFD Consulting. Ely is a sought-after speaker, adjunct professor in the field of public relations, and a self-professed royal wedding enthusiast.