Compromising on the Rehearsal Dinner
By Meghan Ely, OFD Consulting
While nearlyweds have an undeniable say over their wedding day plans, the wedding rehearsal dinner can get tricky when it comes to the details. While more and more couples are footing the bill for their wedding, many are gifted the rehearsal dinner by a set of parents (or both). So if you’re not hosting the rehearsal dinner, expect a certain level of compromising on the rehearsal dinner to ensure all parties are heard and satisfied.
(Let’s Get Rehearsed editor’s note: For more advice on wedding rehearsal dinner drama, check out ‘Help! I’m Really Unhappy With The Rehearsal Dinner My Fiance’s Family Is Planning.’)
'Of course, planning with others can feel uncomfortable—especially when you must navigate money talks and opposing opinions with family members.
However, be mindful that your loved ones are not contributing to your celebration as a means of control. Instead, they want to help usher you into the next chapter of your life and feel involved in the process.
Don’t let rehearsal dinner planning strain relationships with your partner and family. Follow these tips for smooth sailing, no matter who is hosting your pre-wedding celebration.
Image by Niki Marie Photography
Don't get stressed - get Let's Get Rehearsed’s FREE rehearsal dinner guide packed full of everything you need to plan a welcome party, from saving money to celebrating the night before the big day!
Discuss openly with the hosts
If you and your partner aren’t hosting the rehearsal dinner, prepare for regular communication to set expectations and discuss details throughout the process. From cuisine to preferred venues, it’s wise to start the conversation sooner rather than later.
“Start discussing the tone you want for the rehearsal dinner rather than waiting until it’s too late,”recommends Megan Estrada of NSWE Events. “Ask the hosts what their priorities are so that you are aware as you go through options together of what is most important to them and when it maybe kind of you to compromise. Putting all the cards on the table from the beginning ensures everyone is on the same page from the outset.”
Many disagreements are caused by misunderstandings, so thebest thing you can do is maintain anopen channel of communication and remain receptive to the host’s ideas.
Keep it simple
Details get complicated, and more planning tends to beget more stress. So instead of taking on more than you can handle, avoid over planning the rehearsal dinner—and encourage your host(s)to follow suit. After all, you’ve got plenty on your plate with the wedding reception as it is!
“When compromising on the rehearsal dinner, keeping it simple can be a huge help,” confirms Jacqueline Vizcaino of Tinted Events. “This means avoiding anything too lavish or over-the-top, as this can be a source of contention. Instead, stick to a few simple elements that everyone will agree on. This can help avoid disagreements and keep the peace among those planning the rehearsal dinner.”
Simple isn’t just more manageable; it’s also more cost-effective. So if someone else is paying for the rehearsal dinner, you can rest easy knowing that they aren’t spending a fortune on unnecessary details that don’t add to the experience.
Image by Renee Lemaire Photography
Delegate the planning altogether
Wedding planning is enough to keep you and your partner busy, so don’t be afraid to hand the rehearsal dinner planning off to the host or a trusted individual. Remember: You don’t need to carry the load yourself!
(Let’s Get Rehearsed editor’s note: For more on vendor help, check out our articles on if you need to hire vendors and if you need a wedding planner to help plan your rehearsal dinner!)
“It's ok to leave the planning for this event to someone else,” assures Shannon Tarrant of WeddingVenueMap.com. “The key is to talk openly about your plan for the wedding weekend and how the rehearsal dinner is one piece of the entire experience. Find ways to compromise and come together as a couple to decide which hills you want to die on.”
There’s so much more to your wedding weekend than the rehearsal dinner, so if it saves you the headache to have someone else take over, go for it. That way, you won’t have to worry about pre-wedding details in the days leading up to your big day!
Put your money where your mouth is
On the other hand, it’s entirely acceptable if you don’t like the idea of letting others into the rehearsal dinner planning process. However, know that taking sole ownership also means covering the cost of the celebration.
“Money talks, so if you have to have things a certain way, consider paying for it yourself,” suggests Nora Sheils of Rock Paper Coin and Bridal Bliss. “It's easier to start on the right foot rather than changing things after they've been arranged.”
Sit down with your partner and consider whether you’re open to others’ opinions or if you’d prefer to plan your rehearsal dinner exclusively. There is no right or wrong answer as long as you understand the pros and cons of each option!
(Let’s Get Rehearsed editor’s note: For more on budgets, check out ‘Wedding Rehearsal Dinner Budget: How Much & Who Pays?’ and our top tips on how to save money on your wedding rehearsal dinner)
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Don't get stressed - get Let's Get Rehearsed’s FREE rehearsal dinner guide packed full of everything you need to plan a welcome party, from saving money to celebrating the night before the big day!
Consider hosting two dinners
In some cases, compromising might look like hosting separate celebrations instead of trying to make it all work at one event. As they say, the more, the merrier!
As Rock Paper Coin’s Katie Mast notes, “Perhaps one partner wants an intimate gathering with just close family members, while the other wants a larger celebration with extended family and friends. Invite your inner circle to join you for a low-key rehearsal dinner. Then, plan a separate celebration at a later date where you can include extended family and friends.”
Likewise, “If there's a disagreement about whether or not to invite out-of-town guests, why not plan for two separate dinners–one before the rehearsal and a brunch after the wedding–so no one feels left out?” Mast encourages.
While two dinners may not be ideal, it’s worth considering as a way to keep all parties happy — which is, of course, the whole point of a compromise!
(Let’s Get Rehearsed editor’s note: For some dinner alternatives, check out ‘Does Our Rehearsal Dinner Have to Be A Dinner? What Are Our Other Options?’ and even check out our article on how to host a wedding rehearsal brunch.)
Your rehearsal dinner serves as the kickoff to your wedding experience, but remember that it’s only one part of it. So whether it’s perfectly executed the way you want or it ends up a bit different than your vision, lean into the celebration and soak in every moment—you only get one chance to enjoy it!
If you’re planning a rehearsal dinner, don’t miss some of these must-read resources:
Help! I’m Really Unhappy With The Rehearsal Dinner My Fiance’s Family Is Planning
Do We Need To Hire Vendors For Our Wedding Rehearsal Dinner?
Do We Need A Wedding Planner For Our Rehearsal Dinner or Welcome Party?
Does Our Rehearsal Dinner Have to Be A Dinner? What Are Our Other Options?
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Meghan Ely is the owner of wedding PR and wedding marketing firm OFD Consulting. Ely is a sought-after speaker, adjunct professor in the field of public relations, and a self-professed royal wedding enthusiast.