Should my Rehearsal Dinner be Formal or Casual? The Experts Weigh In

By Meghan Ely, OFD Consulting

When it comes to rehearsal dinners, there's no single rulebook, and that's what makes them so fun to plan. Some couples are drawn to a sit-down dinner with a carefully curated menu, while others picture something more laid-back, like a backyard barbecue with a cooler full of cold drinks. Both are valid, and both can set a fantastic tone for the weekend ahead.

However, formal and casual rehearsal dinners come with different planning needs. From the venue you'll book to the dress code you'll communicate, every detail shifts depending on the direction. We asked the experts to break it all down so you can figure out which vibe fits your vision. Here’s their breakdown.

Think about your guest list

Before you land on a decision, take a moment to think about the people who'll be in the room. A crowd of close college friends might feel at home at a casual rooftop hangout, but a guest list that skews older might appreciate a seated dinner.

Patrícia Esteves, Wedding Planner at Peach Perfect Weddings, notes, “Couples should consider who will be attending, whether it’s just family, a mix of friends, or a more traditional group, as well as their own personalities, and where everyone would have a better time.”

The rehearsal dinner is one of the few moments in your wedding weekend where you get to connect with your people before the whirlwind of the big day. Choosing a format that your guests will enjoy (not just tolerate!) goes a long way in setting a welcoming tone for the whole celebration.

Photo credit: Halie Child Photography

And how far your guests have to travel

Out-of-town guests are a big factor that gets overlooked in the formal-versus-casual debate. If a large portion of your crew has just hopped off a long flight or spent hours in the car, a come-as-you-are evening could be what they need to unwind and settle in.

“When planning the rehearsal dinner, one of the biggest factors couples should consider is where their guests are coming from,” emphasizes Callie Carr, Owner & Principal Planner at Callie Carr Events. “Are they traveling in and getting off a plane? Local and coming straight from work? Already part of a full wedding weekend schedule? That alone can help determine the tone.”

On the flip side, if most of your guests are local, they may appreciate something more elevated. Think about what kind of arrival experience your loved ones are walking in with, and let that guide the evening.

Consider the big day itself

Here's a trick couples swear by: look at your wedding day aesthetic and go the other direction for the rehearsal. This switches things up and makes the wedding day even more special by contrast.

Michael Coombs, DJ at Michael Coombs Entertainment, confirms, “If the wedding is formal, keep the rehearsal dinner casual. If the wedding is already casual, lean into a fun theme: beach, tropical, or all white.”

Think about the overall arc of your wedding weekend and what kind of energy you want to build toward. Using the rehearsal dinner as a contrast to the big day, rather than a preview of it, can make each event distinct and special in its own right.

Photo credit: Halie Child Photography

Align the event with the venue

Your venue will do a lot of the heavy lifting when it comes to setting the tone, so it's worth letting it guide you. Lean into what the space offers, and you'll find that the formality almost takes care of itself.

“The location will have the biggest impact on a formal or casual rehearsal dinner,” reminds Michael Thomas, Owner of John Michael Catering and Weddings. “If your host hotel is the Four Seasons and your rehearsal dinner is there, you might ask guests to dress up a bit more than if your dinner is at a local brewery.”

Regardless of what you choose, remember that there will be less work on your end if you don’t fight the venue. When your setting already has an aesthetic, create around it rather than starting from scratch.

See what the host prefers

Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner has been hosted by the groom's family, but today, that’s not always the case. Whoever’s taking the lead on planning and footing the bill deserves a say in the evening, and that's a conversation worth having early.

Kelley Nudo, Client Relations & Operations Director at Momental Designs, shares, “Choosing a casual or more formal rehearsal dinner will largely depend on who is hosting. If the couple is hosting the celebration themselves, they may want to keep it casual and laid-back, so the planning doesn't detract from the main event: the wedding day. However, if family or close friends are hosting the rehearsal dinner, they will ultimately choose whether to keep it casual or take a more formal approach, which can oftentimes be predicated on budget.”

Check in with any hosts before you start pinning décor ideas. Getting on the same page from the start avoids awkward mid-planning pivots and makes the experience more collaborative.

Photo Credit: Heidi Field Photography

Avoid getting too caught up in tradition

There's a version of the rehearsal dinner that exists in people's heads: seated dinner, parents' speeches, formal attire. But the thing is, that version was never a hard rule. Rehearsal dinners are about gathering the people you love before your wedding day, and how you do that is entirely up to you.

“Tradition is becoming more flexible and less important,” outlines Lola Rojas, Director of Sales at Serve and Savour Catering. “Couples are prioritizing what feels natural to them—whether that’s shifting speeches to the rehearsal dinner, deciding who participates, or mixing formal and casual elements to the dinner. The best approach is one that feels intentional and reflects the couple.”

A taco truck and lawn games can be just as meaningful as a plated three-course meal. It's all about what reflects who you are as a couple.

Opt for a welcome event instead

If the phrase "rehearsal dinner" is making things more complicated than they need to be, consider ditching the label altogether. A welcome event takes the pressure off and opens things up to a wider guest list without the usual formalities.

Liney Castle, Planner at Twickenham House and Hall, says, “In recent years, welcome parties have become more and more popular, with couples beginning to allocate more of their budget towards the welcome party versus a rehearsal dinner. We are seeing dinners become quick, casual events before heading to a fun and garnished welcome event.”

This approach has gained serious traction, and for good reason. It lets couples set a relaxed tone for the weekend without the structure of a traditional sit-down meal. Plus, it sidesteps some of the trickier etiquette questions, like who gets invited and who doesn't, by creating a more open atmosphere that works for everyone.

Photo credit: Jenny DeMarco Photography

Add personal touches throughout

Whether you go black-tie or backyard casual, the details that make your rehearsal dinner special are the personal ones. Small additions can cost little but mean everything to the people in the room.

“Whatever style couples choose, the most memorable ones prioritize connection over presentation,” explains Julian Ribinik, Creative Director at Julian Ribinik Studios. “Toasts, handwritten place cards, and unhurried time for both families to actually mingle do more for the night than any design choice ever will. And little surprises and experiences really contribute!”

Personal touches have a way of bridging the gap between formal and casual. So no matter which direction you take, make sure some piece of it is unmistakably you.

There's no wrong answer when it comes to choosing between a formal or casual rehearsal dinner. What your guests will chat about after is how the evening felt: warm and celebratory, with anticipation for the day ahead. That energy comes from thoughtful planning rather than a dress code. The rehearsal dinner that does its job best is the one that brings everyone together and sets the weekend off on a high note!

Meghan Ely is the owner of wedding PR and marketing firm OFD Consulting and the founder of OFD Collective, a membership community for wedding pros looking to elevate their visibility. She’s a sought-after speaker and a self-professed royal wedding enthusiast.