Should Out-of-Town Guests Be Invited to the Rehearsal Dinner?
By Meghan Ely, OFD Consulting
When it comes to rehearsal dinner guest lists, one question comes up again and again: what do we do about the people who've traveled to be here?
Traditionally, inviting out-of-town guests to the rehearsal dinner has been a way to thank them for making the effort to attend your big day. These guests are arriving in an unfamiliar city and would likely appreciate a warm welcome before the wedding day chaos kicks in.
However, as with most wedding etiquette, it's rarely that simple. Depending on how many out-of-town guests you have, your venue's capacity, and more, extending that invite can get complicated. Before you add everyone with a boarding pass to the list, here are a few things worth thinking through!
Photo credit: Michelle Jackson Studio
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Keep it small if that’s your vision
First things first: the rehearsal dinner was never meant to be a second wedding. It's a more intimate gathering, typically reserved for the wedding party, immediate family, and a handful of close friends, and there's nothing wrong with keeping it that way.
Emily Reno, Owner of The Vegas Planners, shares, “Some couples are still keeping rehearsal dinners very intimate because of budget constraints, venue size limitations, or simply because they want something small and personal with only close family and the bridal party.”
Being selective doesn't make you a bad host. Rehearsal dinners come with their own budget and logistical considerations, and stretching that to accommodate every guest can turn a relaxed evening into something more stressful. Know what you want the night to feel like, and let that guide who's at the table.
But consider who’s traveling and how far
That said, if you have guests who've flown across the country (or across the world!) to celebrate you, it's worth pausing to acknowledge that. Arriving in a new place with nowhere to go until the next morning can be isolating, especially for guests who don't know many people at the wedding.
“Traditionally, immediate family members, close friends, and family friends are usually invited,” notes Hattie Kearney, Wedding Planner at Peach Perfect Weddings. “However, I would say it is a nice gesture to invite guests if the majority of them are coming from out-of-town.”
Think about the distance and effort involved. A guest who drove 20 minutes is in a different position than someone who took a red-eye and rearranged their week. You don't have to invite every out-of-town guest, but if there are people who've made a significant sacrifice to be there, factoring that into your decision is a kind thing to do.
Photo credit: Lena Mirisola Photography
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Host a welcome party instead
If the guest list math just isn't working out for the rehearsal dinner, a welcome party is one of the best alternatives you can offer. It can be a more casual event, where people can kick off the weekend together without the structure or price tag of a sit-down dinner.
Melanie Tindell, Owner/Event Planner at Oak + Honey Event Planning Co., says, “In more recent years, we have seen couples leaning towards hosting a small rehearsal dinner for immediate family and the wedding party, followed by a welcome party for out-of-town guests. The welcome party typically includes light appetizers and drinks, as many of these guests may not have eaten dinner.”
The beauty of a welcome party is its flexibility. It can be as simple as a cocktail reception in a hotel common space or a backyard hang with lawn games and a signature drink.
Elizabeth Hoard, Owner/Lead Photographer at Elizabeth Hoard Photography, adds, “A Post-Toast is another beautiful option: a fun after-party following the Rehearsal Dinner where out-of-towners can join for drinks, light bites, and lots of mingling.”
Because it's less formal than a rehearsal dinner, it's easier to scale up the guest count without it becoming overwhelming or over budget. Everyone gets a moment to connect before the big day, and you get to start the weekend on a high note.
Consider drinks at your hotel block
Full welcome party feeling like too much to take on? Something simpler can do the trick: a casual meetup in the bar or lounge of your hotel block.
“A casual drink hosted at the hotel bar on the same night as the rehearsal dinner gives travelers a place to gather without any pressure,” confirms Julian Ribinik, Creative Director at Julian Ribinik Studios.
You can make it intentional without making it a whole production. Let guests know in advance through your wedding website that you'll be at the hotel bar from 7 to 9 and would love to see them. Buy the first round if budget allows, or simply show up and let the evening unfold!
Offer welcome gift bags
Sometimes the most meaningful thing you can do for out-of-town guests has nothing to do with an event at all. A well-put-together welcome gift bag waiting in their room when they check in tells them you were thinking about them.
Liney Castle, Wedding Planner at Twickenham House and Hall, emphasizes, “A thoughtful way that traveling guests can feel welcomed is by presenting them with a welcome gift! These can be small bags with a few goodies, preferably local goodies that can elevate a guest experience, especially when they are making a large investment of time and finances to celebrate the couple.”
It's a personal touch that goes a long way, especially for guests who might spend an evening solo before the celebrations begin.
Meghan Cody, Owner/Event Planner at Sweet Pea Events, agrees, adding, “Welcome amenities with a handwritten card are always a nice touch. Also, a thoughtful list of things to do in the area so that they can fill their time while you're unable to entertain!”
Welcome bags don't need to be elaborate to be appreciated. A local snack, a small note from you and your partner, and a card outlining the schedule can help someone feel cared for. Bonus points for including something that reflects your city or personalities, like a bag of locally roasted coffee or a mini bottle of bubbly.
Photo credit: Leslie DeAnn Photography
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Pick what’s best for your unique list
There's no universal right answer here, and anyone who tells you otherwise is working off a rulebook that no longer exists. What works great for one pair might be completely off for another, and that's perfectly okay.
“Some couples will opt for the intimate rehearsal dinner followed by a full guest list welcome party; others skip the intimate dinner and go right for the larger pre-party with all guests,” assures Halie Child, Owner and Lead Photographer at Halie Child Photography.
Take an honest look at your situation. How many out-of-town guests are you working with? What does your venue realistically accommodate? Once you lay that out, the decision becomes much clearer. Talk it through with your partner, and don't be afraid to get a little creative.
Remember: it’s all about making your guests feel appreciated
When you strip away the etiquette debates and logistical considerations, the heart of this is easy: you want the people who showed up for you to be glad they did. Whether that means a seat at the rehearsal dinner, a drink at the hotel bar, or a thoughtful bag waiting on their bed, what matters most is that the gesture is genuine.
Amos Gott, Owner and Chief Event Architect at AmosEvents, echoes, “The goal is simple. Make them feel appreciated without needing to expand the rehearsal dinner into a banquet.”
Your out-of-town guests made an investment to be part of your day. Acknowledging that, in whatever form makes sense for your weekend, is what good hosting looks like.
These days, you have more options than ever to make your out-of-town guests feel welcomed and excited for what's ahead. Regardless of what you choose, what your guests will remember is how you made them feel. Start the weekend with that intention, and everything else will fall into place!
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Meghan Ely is the owner of wedding PR and marketing firm OFD Consulting and the founder of OFD Collective, a membership community for wedding pros looking to elevate their visibility. She’s a sought-after speaker and a self-professed royal wedding enthusiast.