How To Nail Your Wedding Rehearsal Dinner Toast
By Meghan Ely, OFD Consulting
Tasked with giving a wedding rehearsal dinner toast? Consider it an honor! While wedding day toasts often carry a lot of pressure, the rehearsal dinner or welcome party before the big day is a more relaxed and intimate affair. So while you should certainly prepare and practice a thoughtful speech, you can rest easy knowing you won’t need to hit a home run in front of hundreds of people.
Still, giving a toast is a special privilege that you shouldn’t take lightly. Your loved ones selected you to ring in their wedding weekend with a few words, so take the chance to celebrate their union and have some fun at the rehearsal dinner.
“In keeping with tradition, the groom’s parents or whoever is hosting the rehearsal dinner usually make a toast,” explains Sandy Brooks of Timeless Event Planning. But she notes that “it’s common for a few friends that are not part of the wedding party to make a toast.”
As for who makes the cut, Brian Franklin of Vows & Speeches says that “rehearsal dinners are a perfect opportunity to give a voice to people who are outside of traditional speakers.” Moreover, he says, "it’s a way to let people who have a more intense fear of public speaking an opportunity to give a speech that might find it much easier with a smaller audience.”
Ultimately, “each couple and wedding weekend is unique, so it truly can be up to the couple to hand-pick whomever they desire to deliver the speeches,” reminds Sarah Chianese of Mangia and Enjoy!.
So if you’re starting to think about what you’ll say—and how—keep reading for top tips from industry experts who have seen the best and worst of wedding weekend toasts!
Photo Credit: Anastasiia Photography
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Keep It Short And Sweet
Your fellow guests will love hearing what you have to say, but if you drag on for too long, you can expect bored yawns and signs of impatience. So instead of telling the story of your lifelong friendship with the bride, keep it brief and avoid oversharing.
Stonegate Manor’s Allison Russell recommends “keeping rehearsal dinner speeches between three and five minutes. This gives enough time to express heartfelt sentiments without losing the crowd.”
Of course, if you’ve been given instructions about duration, adhere to the allotted time! “If they ask you to do 2 minutes, stick to it,” Franklin stresses. “It might be because they only have so much time in the venue, and they’ve planned to have the food come out at a particular time. It might also be because that’s what they’ve told everyone else.”
If there’s a lot you want to say but can’t fit in, consider writing those sentiments in a thoughtful handwritten note to share with the couple at the end of the night.
Infuse Your Speech With Levity
The wedding will be an emotion-filled day, so don’t feel the need to lean too heavily into sentimentality at the rehearsal dinner. Instead, focus on keeping the vibe lighthearted.
“A rehearsal dinner is when you can have a bit more “fun” with your speech than at the wedding reception,” assures Laura Maddox of Magnolia Celebrates. “This is the bride and groom’s closest family and friends, so you have some leeway to share some more intimate antidotes than at the next day’s celebration.”
So if you want to pull out a silly anecdote from college or share a cheeky quote, go for it! Just be cautious to avoid anything that could make the couple or their family feel awkward or uncomfortable.
“It’s a wedding, not a roast,” reminds Vijay Goel of Bite Catering Couture. “While cute stories are appreciated, there are a number of stand-up techniques that can safely be saved for another time.”
Think fun and amusing for the rehearsal dinner, saving any inappropriate inside jokes for the bachelor(ette) party (or not at all!). The couple will thank you!
Photo Credit: Kelly Hornberger Photography
Prepare Your Toast In Advance
Whatever you say or do, avoid winging it! As with any speech, practice makes perfect — so give yourself time to write and prepare your toast in the weeks leading up to the wedding weekend.
“Think about what you want to say beforehand, write it down, then practice your toast in front of your mirror,” urges Kawania Wooten of Howerton+Wooten Events. “If you want feedback from others, practice in front of a friend or a trusted advisor.”
Nora Sheils of Rock Paper Coin and Bridal Bliss agrees, adding that “there is a time and a place to wing a toast. Hours before the big day isn’t one of those moments.”
Heading into the rehearsal dinner with a plan will help you feel confident and composed without worrying about stage fright. Plus, you can practice timing to avoid exceeding your time limit!
Don’t Hold Back
You might want to put on a strong front when giving your toast, but Jen Sulak of Weirdo Weddings encourages speech givers to express their feelings.
“Don’t be afraid to cry!” she says. “The more you hold back emotions, the more it might build up. Your happiness, joy, love, and more need to spill over into your energy and words. Just let it all go and run with it!”
And by being vulnerable, you may influence others to give in to their feelings — and there is no such thing as too many happy tears on such a celebratory occasion!
Photo Credit: Mandee Johnson Photography
Don't get stressed - get Let's Get Rehearsed’s FREE rehearsal dinner guide packed full of everything you need to plan a welcome party, from saving money to celebrating the night before the big day!
Wrap Up With Well Wishes
It’s called a toast for a reason. Yet it’s common for people to fly through their speech, hand back the mic, and return to their seats. But wait!
Before sitting down, “don’t forget to end with the actual toast to the couple by raising a glass,” reminds Shannon Tarrant of Wedding Venue Map. “Without the wrap-up, your wonderful toast could just fall flat at the end.”
To avoid getting caught up in a flurry of emotions, build the actual toast into your planned speech and practice it beforehand. What will you say when giving cheers? Preparing the final words of your speech will ensure you wrap up naturally!
Giving a rehearsal dinner toast is a special privilege, and your engaged friends would not ask if they weren’t confident you were up to the task. So dedicate your time to it and follow these tips to share a memorable speech that starts their big weekend off on the best foot!
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Meghan Ely is the owner of wedding PR and wedding marketing firm OFD Consulting. Ely is a sought-after speaker, adjunct professor in the field of public relations, and a self-professed royal wedding enthusiast.