Experts Wish Couples Knew This Before Throwing A Rehearsal Dinner
Rehearsal dinners and wedding welcome parties, just like everything other aspect of wedding planning, can feel overwhelming to those who have not yet been involved in the process, or who are now involved in a more intimate way. Luckily, we’re here for you! We talked to our friends and fellow wedding professionals about things that they wish you knew about a rehearsal dinner before the celebration. We’re sharing their wedding rehearsal dinner planning advice for things you need to know, so you don’t make the mistakes.
In general, and especially when planning for weddings and rehearsal dinners, we should take lessons from sponges: absorb. Absorb the expertise others have gleaned from years of experience. Absorb suggestions from friends and family who have been privy to wedding planning before. Absorb and listen to your partner’s wishes while staying true to your own. After all, these wedding pros have been there and done that! They’ve seen it all and then some!
Below is a perfect opportunity to absorb as wedding pros share the one thing they wish engaged couples knew before throwing their wedding rehearsal dinner and welcome party before the big day.
Photo credit: Photo credit: Lane Parker Weddings from Vintage Inspired Wedding Rehearsal Celebration in Austin, Texas
Don't get stressed - get Let's Get Rehearsed’s FREE rehearsal dinner guide packed full of everything you need to plan a welcome party, from saving money to celebrating the night before the big day!
Remember The Rehearsal
Remembering that your wedding rehearsal dinner and subsequent welcome party starts with an actual rehearsal with a very specific - and useful! - purpose is perhaps the most overlooked piece of advice from wedding experts, because it seems so obvious. Yet, it is the most important!
Jen Sulak, lead wedding photographer of Weirdo Weddings, puts it best when she says, “A rehearsal dinner, while fun, is also an opportunity to communicate your actual wedding ceremony rehearsal!” Couples should not overlook the importance of rehearsing during, before, or after the rehearsal dinner. They will be asked a million questions that are better left to the night before rather than the day of the wedding.
Jen Sulak also remarks that “A rehearsal dinner is also a great opportunity for your friends and blending family to meet for the first time.” This may not be true for some couples, but regardless, being reintroduced in this capacity can be important to the overall flow of the wedding. And everyone at the rehearsal dinner is there because they love one or both of those getting married, which is an important reminder for them and the couple.
Make sure that your wedding rehearsal dinner and night before activities are just as social as they are practical!
Optimize Timing
Emphasis on the “traditional wedding” can be important for some couples. But, in all reality, some traditions simply cannot meet the couple’s needs or wishes. “[Rehearsal] dinner the night before is not etched in stone” according to Betsy Scott, owner of Hudson Valley Weddings at The Hill.
While rehearsal dinners are traditionally hosted the night before the wedding ceremony, couples should feel free to switch the timing based on what works for them. For instance, couples hosting a local wedding could plan the rehearsal dinner around their or their guests’ work schedules, commute times, or other holidays.
The most important thing here is to make sure that the wedding ceremony is rehearsed before the day. The couple getting married, as well as anyone in your wedding party, need to know timing and where to stand and what to do. It’s critical that you find time before the big day to walk-through the logistics with everyone involved.
Early = On Time
When you’re planning a rehearsal for a wedding, allow for extra time in the schedule for late arrivals.
Everyone has friends and family they love dearly - even if that means they’re late to EVERYTHING. Especially with all of the moving parts in the days leading up to the wedding, everyone will likely need some wiggle room for wardrobe malfunctions, hair fiascoes, or to eat a meal here and there. And, I’m not even getting into travel and transportation delays.
Sandy Brooks of Timeless Event Planning suggests that couples: “knew to ask their wedding party to arrive 30 minutes early as everyone is always running late!!”
Lateness isn’t a huge deal, but especially if you’re hosting your rehearsal dinner the night before your wedding, but do you want to get started as early as possible, so everyone has time for their beauty rest. An early and punctual rehearsal dinner start time would also be considerate to those with disabilities, elderly loved ones, or those bringing children to the rehearsal dinner (or even those who miraculously arranged childcare for that night).
A suggested buffer of about 30 minutes would benefit the average wedding rehearsal dinner guests, but couples know their families and loved ones better and should adjust this timing to benefit their situations.
Always overestimate how many people will be late to your rehearsal dinner - and wedding the next day!
Count Heads
Wedding rehearsal dinners cannot be overlooked in the scope of one’s wedding planning and that includes getting a guest list with RSVPs that are separate from your wedding invitation.
Head counts and guest lists are extremely important for wedding rehearsal dinners, especially if the event is catered. Making sure that everyone has a full plate and a seat at the table is imperative to their comfort during the speeches, rehearsal, and other rehearsal dinner happenings.
Peter Mitsaelides, director of catering at Brooklake Country Club and Events remarks, “A headcount for your rehearsal dinner is just as important as a wedding reception.”
Set a hard deadline for reception dinner guests’ RSVP out of respect to caterers, venue hosts, and the couple’s own sanity. Be crystal clear on who is invited, allowance of children, and plus-ones to avoid confusion and an inaccurate count on the day of the wedding rehearsal dinner.
Be sure to shop our collection of easy-to-use wedding rehearsal dinner printable invitations that you can customize yourself!
Photo credit: Photo credit: Lane Parker Weddings from Vintage Inspired Wedding Rehearsal Celebration in Austin, Texas
Don't get stressed - get Let's Get Rehearsed’s FREE rehearsal dinner guide packed full of everything you need to plan a welcome party, from saving money to celebrating the night before the big day!
Factor In Commutes
One thing that is often overlooked during rehearsal dinner planning in general is commute times. An event that begins at 9 AM an hour away is a different beast than one that is located within 15 minutes!
Sam Nelson, owner and principal planner of EVL Events suggests, “Couples should try to keep the rehearsal dinner location within 30 mins of the wedding rehearsal (venue location), making things as convenient for their loved ones as possible.” In general, she suggests allowing “45 mins to 1 hour for the actual rehearsal and some travel time before scheduling the actual dinner itself.”
Wedding rehearsal dinners are not often located in the same venue as the wedding rehearsal itself, which typically at the wedding ceremony site. Making sure that people have access to reliable transportation is imperative to the flow of the evening.
Just as you factor in 30 minutes for lateness, factor in time for driving from the wedding rehearsal to the dinner. If people aren’t driving, factor in time for public transportation or group transportation in the same way.
Thank Your Guests
Weddings can be a stressful time for anyone in the wedding party or closely associated with the couple getting married. It’s important for couples, or someone designated to speak on behalf of the couple, to properly thank those involved with the wedding planning and rehearsal dinner.
Frank Guertler, owner of Bunn DJ Company in Richmond VA, agrees, “Couples need speeches to thank their guests for being part of the wedding festivities.” It is important that those who are a part of the wedding feel supported and recognized for their various sacrifices and contributions to it. Throwing a wedding is no small feat, as those participating in the rehearsal dinner have likely found out for themselves, and recognition of that is important.
For more help on speeches and toasts, be sure to read our post on “How To Nail Your Wedding Rehearsal Dinner Toast,” and “Who Gives Toasts and Speeches at the Rehearsal Dinner?”
Photo credit: Photo credit: Lane Parker Weddings from Vintage Inspired Wedding Rehearsal Celebration in Austin, Texas
Regarding The Guest List…
Wedding guest lists in general can be awkward, and rehearsal dinner guest lists are no exception. But, keep in mind: weddings celebrate the couple. Rehearsal dinner guest lists are traditionally small. The rehearsal dinner is for those who are rehearsing for the wedding ceremony. Not everyone on the wedding day guest list needs to be invited, nor are they expecting to be invited to the rehearsal dinner.
If this is the wish of the couple to keep the rehearsal dinner small, they should feel no guilt about keeping things intimate. And, for some couples who want to include everyone, wedding welcome parties and wedding afterparties allow for all-guest participation - or at least a larger guest list.
Megan Estrada, CEO of NSWE Events, assures couples, “You don’t have to invite everyone…if your heart is set on an intimate rehearsal dinner with toasts from your nearest and dearest, that’s a great option.”
Rehearsal dinners can be a wonderful time to connect with your loved ones in a different setting than the day of, which can be filled with many different distractions. Don’t feel pressured to invite absolutely everyone.
For more advice, read our article on “What is a Wedding Welcome Party? And, Do We Have to Have One?”
And, Most Importantly, Have Fun!
This is all a lot to remember, and it can feel very prescriptive. Allow yourself or remind the couple to do what feels best for them when to comes to your rehearsal dinner, welcome party and certainly the wedding day!
Director of Community Katie Mast of Rock Paper Coin reminds us that wedding rehearsal dinners are “a time to have fun! So many couples stress out about the rehearsal dinner just as much as they do the wedding that the day flies by! It’s a moment for you to take time with your friends and family and actually see and be with them.”
Those at your rehearsal dinner--regardless of the guest list, venue, amount of food, lateness of beginning, or commute troubles--love the couple. An important thing to remember is that everyone is here for YOU! Guests are sitting at tables full of food sharing memories and laughing before rehearsing for your wedding day because they love you and wish you happiness, and they can’t wait to see you start the next chapter of your life with another wonderful human.
Enjoy this time, and don’t put pressure on yourself to make it perfect--the best things in life are everything but!
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